Debunking Orgasm Myths: The Truth About Sexual Satisfaction

There are almost as many myths about the female orgasm as there are about sex. Your sex life and orgasms can improve by letting go of the myths.

orgasm

Myth 1: Women have a harder time achieving orgasm than males do.

Studies today disprove this idea. It is true that women find it much more difficult to get orgasm during sexual intimacy or penetration with men than they do during sex with other women or masturbation. The orgasmic capacity (the capability to orgasm) was found to be 95% for both men and women when they were masturbating in a 2018 study of 52,588 Americans[1]. The findings were different when the study considered sexual intimacy. The findings from the analysis of the parameter “usually or always orgasmed when sexually intimate” are fascinating. “Sexually intimate” refers to a sexual encounter, such as when a woman may have orgasmed during the period of being intimate, but not necessarily during penetration.

According to this, 95% of women in the general population are capable of orgasm, but less than 20% of those women actually experience it.

When it comes to penetrative sex with men, almost 80% of women develop the sexual dysfunction known as “situational anorgasmia.”

According to logic, if 80% of women had the same experience, it must be the norm and not a malfunction.

Myth 2: There are various varieties of orgasm, including clitoral and vaginal orgasm.

Sigmund Freud left behind this myth as part of his legacy. He thought that a clitoral orgasm was a more immature variation of a vaginal one, or, more precisely, that a vaginal orgasm was one in which penetration had caused the orgasm. Keep in mind that Freud also supported the notion that female sexual hysteria was a mental disorder with symptoms like masturbation, sexual fantasies, having intercourse with other women, and having a high libido. Therefore, it would make sense that he pathologize anything other than orgasm through penile penetration. Anything else was considered inferior or “immature” and was not considered the proper method for a lady to climax.

 The old fashioned theory that if you can’t orgasm with a man, then there is something wrong with you.

Orgasms can have a wide range of sensations, but they all include the clitoris.

Your clitoris, which is the size of your palm and has both internal and external parts, can be stimulated by thought alone, by stimulating another body part, which causes arousal and blood flow to the clitoris, by directly stimulating the clitoral glans (tip), by rubbing the entire vulva, and by internally stimulating the vaginal canal wall by pressing or rubbing it with a tongue, finger, sex toy, or penis. So instead of asking what kind of orgasm I can have, ask what kind of stimulus I require to experience orgasm.

Myth 3: The most prevalent and healthiest type of sex expression is orgasms during penetrative sex.

By realising that less than 20% of women experience orgasm from penetrative sex—the least prevalent source of orgasm—we have already disproved the first component of this myth. Which “healthiest form of sexual expression” is there? That may be a holdover from a time when women’s sexuality was much more strictly regulated, when we were instructed that only having sex (orgasm) with males was acceptable and that anything else was shameful or inferior. You can find more about orgasm here.

Myth 4: Women can’t orgasm unless they’re in love.

Another holdover from a bygone concept that only women in committed relationships (marriage) should engage in sexual activity. The assumption that if you don’t experience orgasm with a man, you don’t find him attractive or desirable was fueled by the belief that “If you loved me, you would,” which was used to coerce women into having sex.

Myth No. 5: A man can tell if a woman has experienced orgasms.

A male can tell if a woman is experiencing or has just had an orgasm in just one way. She informs them. They might be clear indicators that she is, but most women display orgasms in a variety of ways.

Myth 6: Orgasmic pleasure is expressed in the same manner by all females.

A woman’s orgasm and/or arousal should be expressed in a certain way, according to expectations. Because of this, many women “perform” their arousal while they are with a partner, which might reduce their enjoyment of the act. We learn from pornography and sex images that we should be screaming as orgasmic ecstasy overtakes us. Some women feel it exactly like that, while others become incredibly quiet during an orgasm, and the majority of women exhibit diverse behaviours at various times. There is no proper or typical manner to have an orgasm.

Myth 7: Women who can’t orgasm have mental health issues

It can be more challenging for a woman to orgasm when she has had trauma, performance anxiety, marital problems, or is in poor mental health, but many women have no trouble with any of these things. Despite having positive relationships and/or healthy sexual views, many people can still struggle. The capacity to orgasm or not does not represent one’s psychological well-being.

Myth 8: Squirting isn’t real or that it’s the best

Squirting really happens. However, it doesn’t appear that way in pornography because the gushing in those films is a performance (remember, porn isn’t genuine). Water packets injected into the vagina to create a special effect for the film frequently cause the squirting. Squirting is not a sign of a better or worse orgasm; some women squirt constantly, while others squirt occasionally. Even when a woman isn’t orgasming, she may squirt. It is relatively new to feel the need to squirt during sex. This is mostly due to its depiction in pornography, which led many to believe that this was what an all-powerful orgasm looked like.

So many women are now expected to squirt in addition to chasing an orgasm. The fluid discharged during squirting is still a subject of debate among researchers who disagree on its exact nature. Some claim it’s just urine, while others believe it to be female ejaculate that contains prostate hormones that are comparable to semen hormones. Whatever the case, it exists.

Myth 9: Masturbation orgasms interfere with orgasms with a partner.

A 2016 study found that masturbation does not raise the likelihood of an orgasm during partnered sex, but it also does not increase the likelihood of an orgasm if you are very self-conscious, feel pressure to orgasm, or in a troubled relationship[3]. The best approach to figure out what works for you is to explore your body and engage in some masturbation. By sharing your self-knowledge with a partner, they will be able to assist you in having an orgasm.

Orgasm is not the purpose of sex, therefore knowing how to give and receive pleasure during sex with a certain partner makes everything considerably more enjoyable. It’s also fantastic to know this information about your spouse.Here, sharing what you’ve discovered about yourself is crucial. You get more knowledgeable about the various orgasmic experiences as you have more of them. Your lifeforce is pleasantly affected, increasing your desire for more of them.

Myth 10: Orgasms are a sign of good sex.

Remember the sexiest moment you’ve ever had. What made it stand out so much? It might have entailed an explosive orgasm, but that portion of the memory is probably not the most important one. The intensity of the experience, the environment, your relationship with your partner, and the foreplay all play a part. Additionally, it could have been the excitement, sexiness, or sensation of liberation that made it memorable. Considering that women can orgasm 95% of the time by themselves, we would never want to share our sexual pleasure with another person.

Myth 11: Women who are unable to orgasm do not become physically agitated

A common term for the female equivalent of what males sometimes refer to as “blue balls” is “pink walls.” Blue balls are the sense of resentment, wrath, and vaginal discomfort that can result from unresolved sexual arousal. Women may feel pain throughout their entire vulva or just their clitoris, along with the same irritation and rage. Just like males, women can experience sexual angst.

Myth 12: During sex, you should be experiencing numerous orgasms.

After an orgasm, women can maintain a high level of arousal and have a second (or third, or fourth) orgasm quickly after. There is no reason that you should be having numerous orgasms if you are among the 85% of women who do not, given just 15% of them, according to study, have done so[4].

Myth 13: A woman’s sex life includes pretending to have orgasms to make her boyfriend feel wonderful.

In the long term, it could seem as though you are helping your partner, but no one benefits. A type of lying to both your partner and yourself is to pretend to have an orgasm. Faking orgasm signals to your spouse that everything is fine and that what just happened was completely satisfactory for you, so you neglect your own sexual enjoyment. If you fake it, you are encouraging an action that doesn’t work for you and not looking into alternatives that could. Our partners want to please us, and our orgasms are essential to them. 

In essence, we dig ourselves a deep pit of unhappiness while our spouse, who believes everything is orgasmic, is blissfully unaware. Yes, it might be disappointing for a partner when we don’t orgasm, but this is typically something that can be worked out with honest and open conversation.

Women frequently tell me that their boyfriends have assured them that “no one else has complained” or that “it’s always worked with previous partners.” I usually respond by pointing out that it’s possible the former spouse lied. Also, there is no “one way fits all” approach to how we reach the point of orgasm.

So why do women fake orgasm so frequently?

Because women are conditioned to value their partners’ sexual satisfaction above their own, and because the most typical form of a paired orgasm is also the least likely to occur. Women also engage in this behaviour because they feel guilty for not having orgasmed when they should have. Think of it as “believe it until you achieve it” and then investigate with an attitude of inquiry. The adage “fake it until you make it” really doesn’t work in this case.

Helen Birch is an award-winning hypnotherapist, sex educator and author based in Yorkshire, England. She is a Sexual Freedom Practitioner  , featured therapist in many publications and resident agony aunt for Pick Me Up. ” Sign up for Helen’s free resources and emails to help you discover your authentic sexual self.  Check Helen’s youtube channel. 

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