The common perception of erectile dysfunction is that it prevents one from getting hard. However, I discover that there are four main areas where guys struggle when I work with clients:
- Remaining non-hard
- Getting hard but losing the erection during sex
- Cumming too soon
- Too slow to cum
- Totally incapable of orgasm
I’ll examine the first two problems in this essay. I’ll outline some of the key causes for why they are affecting an increasing number of guys and what you may do to alleviate, if not completely resolve, the problem.
Problem: It’s not becoming hard or remaining hard
When they are with sexual partners, some guys find it difficult to get hard, while other men get hard but then lose their erection, which may or may not return during that session.
There are several common reasons why this happens including:
- General performance anxiety
- Dependency on porn
- Bad sexual encounters in the past
- Challenges with confidence or low self-esteem
- ED triggered by condom
No matter when or why it occurs, the moment we begin to worry about getting erections, we become stressed. We go round and round in this cycle: the more we tense up, the harder it is to get hard, and the harder it is to get hard, the more worried we are.
Getting an erection is an automatic process that is triggered by sexual action, or something our minds misinterpret with sexual activity – getting bounced around on a bus for example.
Our subconscious minds handle automatic functions like breathing, regulating our body temperature, and hardening.
This is the incredibly potent portion of our minds, and in actuality:
A mind that is as powerful as THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND can process around 20 million pieces of data in a second.
On the other hand, just ABOUT 40 BITS OF INFORMATION ARE PROCESSED BY OUR CONSCIOUS MIND, THE PART OF OUR BRAIN WE ARE AWARENESS, THE BIT THAT ALLOWS US TO TALK AND CONSCIOUSLY THINK.
It’s incredibly easy for all of the processing capacity in our conscious brain to be consumed by just one thing because of this lower processing capability, which is one reason why we can become fixated on concepts.
Additionally, if that one thing isn’t beneficial, it could be seriously harmful, such as prohibiting us from having erections. It’s frequently described as becoming fixated on a concept or even as “getting in our heads” about something.
When this occurs in relation to erections, it might be difficult to interrupt the cycle. And if the issue is not resolved correctly, having trouble attaining or keeping an erection may persist for the rest of one’s life.
Not Getting/Staying Hard – The Standard Solutions
Many guys turn to pills when trying to resolve this issue. The NHS solutions can be found here
Since doctors generally follow the “Medical Model,” which dictates that medications are usually the first course of action, this is frequently the answer that they advise.
However, there are a number of drawbacks, with cost being one of them. The two leading ED medications, Viagra and Cialis, can cost up to £3 per pill, so even if you acquire them from the doctor, there will still be a cost for your time and the prescriptions. Viagra recently become non-prescription, however it costs £5 a pill in UK pharmacies!
Additionally, you have to remember to take the tablet, and it normally takes around 30 minutes for it to start working.
They can also have the following side effects:
- Flushing (warmth, redness, or tingly feeling)
- Headache,
- Dizziness abnormal vision (blurred vision, red eyes)
- Runny or stuffy nose,
- Nosebleeds sleep problems (insomnia)
- Muscle pain,
- Back pain
- Upset stomach
This form of treatment can work for many but it does generally mean that you are choosing to rely on pills for the rest of your sexually active life – not ideal.
A holistic approach to erectile dysfunction
Re-education and Homework
Many guys turn to drugs when trying to resolve this issue.
Despite its immense power, our subconscious mind’s first goal is to keep us alive, and unfortunately, in doing so, it can sometimes get in the way of our progress.
Our subconscious mind encourages us to continue performing an action if we have been doing it for a while and we haven’t passed away because all it wants to do is keep us alive.
Have you ever questioned why smokers continue to puff away despite seeing gruesome pictures on every cigarette packet?
Well, as far as their subconscious is concerned, they have been smoking for years and they are still alive, so the subconscious mind wants to keep it that way and does so by reinforcing your smoking habits.
This is why if you do not get your subconscious on side when quitting smoking, it is very hard to manage to stop.
Thankfully, there are techniques for engaging the subconscious, and using affirmations is one of them.
We can begin the process of convincing our subconscious that things need to change by repeating our intentions multiple times every day.
How to Use Affirmations
“You are a confident man and you get hard when needed”
For at least a month, recite the series of affirmations twice daily, morning and night.
Three times, say the affirmation out loud.
Say it aloud, firmly, sincerely, and with feeling. Remember to say “you” instead of “I” because your conscious mind has a horrible habit of disputing what you just said.
You can come up with whatever affirmation you think is appropriate, but this one seems to resonate well with customers.
When I work with clients, I use hypnosis to focus the client’s attention on their affirmations and assist those words in deeply into the subconscious mind.
This process works in such a way that it’s able to by-pass the conscious mind and it allows me to have the clients use the word ‘I’ – ‘I am a confident man…’ – and these words go in deep and go right to work.
Change the Language
First, you’ll see that the affirmation advises to “become hard when necessary.” The majority of us are accustomed to porn where the actors seem to remain hard forever. We’re not really made to be hard for very long, but I’ll get to the significant impact of porn in a moment.
Around 200,000 years ago, when humans first began to evolve and have sex, there were many animals that would gladly hunt and kill us.
In order to reduce the likelihood of an untimely death, humans were created to become hard, have sex, and cum swiftly.
In light of this, continuing to work hard for a “long session” isn’t really what we were made to do. Now, I’m not suggesting that you do short sessions; rather, I’m saying that you will have a better experience if you can grow used to the idea of being firm, mixed in with being soft/semi, via a longer session.
In oral sex, for instance, it doesn’t really matter if you’re hard or soft but, it is ideal to get erect when you first start kissing and stroking. Due to your continued relaxation regarding your erection, there is a greater likelihood that you will become hard once more as you go back up to kissing.
Avoid letting the person you are with keep trying to get you hard, that can just knock our confidence. It can be hugely damaging to have a guy trying to suck you into life and have nothing happen. Instead, it is better to pull him away, and move your thoughts back into the moment.
What does he feel like? Smell like? How does his kissing make you feel – stay in the moment.
Then when you are more relaxed, stimulate yourself to bring your attention back to your penis and allow the blood to flow.
You can do this on repeat, get hard, have your erection go away when not needed, focus back on foreplay and get the blood flowing again, for as long as you want to enjoy the session.
Talking to the Subconscious
Getting an erection in response to sexual stimulation ought to be an automatic process because, as I previously indicated, the subconscious mind governs these functions.
I employ hypnosis on clients while they are calm to direct their incredibly potent subconscious mind toward making sure getting an erection returns to the subconscious where it belongs.
It is crucial to make sure that the subconscious recognises sexual stimulation as a trigger to give a guy a strong erection. similar to how our subconscious is aware that when our bodies require oxygen, it makes us want to breathe.
Imagination Over Porn
Numerous studies on the negative impacts of porn have been conducted over the past ten years. You can read more about porn addiction here.
Although it has its place, I can see how porn has affected males over the years. I don’t think we should outlaw or completely eliminate porn, but we do need to retrain ourselves to use it in moderation.
One of the fundamental problems with porn is that it raises false expectations for sex.
Not to mention that a single “scene” can really be filmed over the course of several days, with breaks, resets, additional lighting, and other preparations to make sure everything looks flawless.
The fact that porn kills our imagination is, in my opinion, its worst drawback. There formerly was a notion of a mental “show reel,” the notion that we might retain our best sexual encounters and refer to them in the future.
Also, we previously had to conjure up our dreams because there wasn’t a tonne of online porn. It’s not ideal when attempting to get hard, stay hard, and enjoy sex when we watch too much porn because everything sex-related that isn’t porn just isn’t as good.
The Porn Fast
Use only your imagination to masturbate for 30 days without using any pornography at all.
Masturbate as much as you normally would, even more if you feel like it.
Porn can be reintroduced after 30 days; otherwise, we wouldn’t watch it as frequently. however, be sure that only one of your three masturbation sessions uses pornographic material.
Anchors and Triggers
Anchors are fascinating things and they are totally normal activities that occurs through out our life. If we repeat an action many times and follow it by another action, the first can cause the second.
After a few repetitions, the dogs anchored the ideas of food onto the bell and began to salivate on hearing the bell alone without any food present. Pavlov introduced a stimulus (for example, the sound of a ringing bell) and then offered the dog food.
There are numerous methods that humans accomplish this. It’s very typical to associate joyful memories with a certain song, and when that music is played, the happy memory is immediately brought to mind, transporting us back to the original event.
The most helpful thing that I can do in a therapy session is to set up an anchor that my clients can use later. In the case of psychosexual treatment, I can anchor the feelings of a fantastic, successful sexual experience, and this can subsequently be reactivated before any future meetings to generate the correct mood. I utilise this technique to increase poor self-esteem and boost confidence.
Interestingly, many sportsmen employ this approach, they have anchors for winning events, frequently tied to a spot of colour on their sporting equipment, and when they see that colour it evokes those winning emotions and helps them to victory.
Five to One – The Mindful Fix
You’ve probably heard the word “mindfulness,” which is just a fancy way of stating “being present.”
It’s crucial to stay present while having sex; if nothing else, it will make the experience more enjoyable. But if your mind becomes fixed on the thought of not getting or remaining hard, that’s when it really helps.
Simply counting down from five to one is one of the simplest methods to bring your attention back to the present.
Simply count down naturally from five to one right now and see how your mind begins to clear.
When you and your spouse are together and the first anxious thoughts arise, count to ten and shift your attention to what is happening in front of you.
Kissing is really significant because it releases a variety of feel-good hormones into the body. As I previously indicated, you should also consider how they feels, smells.
Future Pacing
There is technique employed by sportsmen called mental rehearsal. This method involves repeatedly practising an event in our brains, such as winning an event or flawlessly carrying out a good manoeuvre.
Our subconscious does not distinguish between real events and things we are only imagining. There are several reasons why this is not helpful, which I will discuss in a future article. However, it is helpful when it comes to mental rehearsal because when we repeatedly practise a task, our subconscious feels we can do it, and when the actual event occurs, it is there to support us.
I can go one step farther in the treatment room and employ a technique called future pacing. This is a technique that uses hypnosis to help you visualise or envision being in the future, where you are actually having a successful encounter.
The encounter goes perfectly, you get and stay erect and you feel the emotions of this amazing encounter. In your conscious mind, it’s easy enough to imagine because it’s something that ‘might’ happen in the future once the therapy sessions have done their work.
Plus, your subconscious mind believes it’s actually happened as, remember, it doesn’t know the difference between real or imagined – win/win.
Condom Triggered ED
It is a sad fact that there is a good probability we would have less teen pregnancies and sporadic STIs if parents offered their teenage- boys condoms and urged them to enjoy masturbating with them.
Why? Because if you observe what we do in place, Teenagers are advised to use condoms at all times because failing to do so puts them at risk of getting into serious trouble.
When you tell a teenager what they MUST do, especially when it has such frightening implications, it seldom goes well.
This establishes condoms as a mental anchor in their minds. Anchors can be anything, such as a song that brings back pleasant memories when it is played, an unexpected aroma that makes you think of your grandmother’s baking, or your penis turning soft when it sees a condom, bringing back all the “YOU MUST” memories.
In a world without as much fear mongering, we would see a condom and say, “Great, I’m going to have sex!” and the subconscious mind would be triggered to ensure that we were ready for the pleasure that was about to begin.
There is a fix, and it’s a quite simple one at that. We just need to design a new condom anchor. We therefore experience the ‘OMG sex is coming’ feeling when we see one rather than viewing it negatively.
Include condoms in your month porn fast because that is the simplest method to accomplish this. This means that getting a bulk box of condoms and masterbate every other day or so with one on is a terrific idea.
Invest yourself fully in it so that you may begin to shift away from the depressing anchor that the majority of us have associated with condoms and toward a joyful, sexy one that you can use to your benefit in the future.
Pulling it all Together
The parts on home work are a component of a comprehensive programme for treating erection problems. They complement the hypnotic elements of the experience. We can only effectively treat erectile dysfunction by winning over the incredibly potent subconscious mind. These aid the client in releasing any emotional baggage that might be impeding their progress.
Letting go of guilt and shame it enables customers to let go of the past. This is fantastic for moving on from sexual interactions that didn’t go as planned.
Release any ties to the past and any current ties to people and things in the present that may be preventing us from moving forward.
The combination of these excellent approaches is something that clients really appreciate, and many say that after going through the process of “letting go,” they actually feel lighter.
The client is then given anchors to use later on, and a technique of mental rehearsal is used to give them the impression that they have had numerous successful sexual interactions.