how long should sex last

How LONG should sex last?

How fast is too fast? What actually qualifies as normal?

Both young boys and young girls frequently think that a sexual encounter should last for a long time. Men think that in order to satisfy their lover, they need a large penis that can last for a long period. And everyone believes that when the penis enters the vagina, it’s immediate pleasure and fireworks for everyone. Contrary to what TV and porn would have us believe, sex does not have to last all night in order to be valid and satisfying.

how long should sex last
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Desirable versus. Normal

While there’s no magic number, one study back in 2005 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine asked  sex therapists for their opinions on how long sex should last. They rated penetrative vaginal sex that lasted from 1-2 minutes as “too short,” and sex that lasted 10-30 minutes as “too long.” Meanwhile, “adequate” sex lasted 3-7 minutes and desirable sex lasted 7-13 minutes.

According to other studies, a significant portion of men and women who replied prefer sex to last at least 30 minutes. What a man or woman sees, reads, and hears in popular media typically determines how they see their own and their partner’s sexual conduct. Unfortunately, misconceptions about the need for big penises, extremely strong erections, and all-nighter sexual activity have been perpetuated by today’s popular culture.

Due to the various definitions of sex, it is also challenging to determine the appropriate length. Some individuals, for instance, only count penetrative intercourse, which is a highly restricted definition of sex.When the definition of sex was broaden to include foreplay most people said that  around five to ten minutes of intercourse, and ten to fifteen minutes for foreplay.

So what’s the verdict? 

Intercourse should last between seven and fifteen minutes at the most. They thought less than two minutes wasn’t long enough. And anything lasting longer than ten to thirty minutes was too lengthy. Sex should always be enjoyable, regardless of duration. Some people like a drawn-out, sensual encounter, while others prefer a fast, combative one. Watching the clock is less crucial than having satisfying sex.

The default state 

It’s believed by some that cumming quickly is actually a human default state.  

When humans first started having sex, way back when it was cool to live in a  cave, there  were many predators who would happily eat a couple having sex.  

With that in mind, it made sense that a couple should have sex and cum very quickly. You know, before a sabre-toothed tiger had them for lunch.  

But according to a Twitter poll asking, “Do you ever get bored during penetrative sex or want it to just be over already?” Eighty-two percent of the 819 participants said yes.

Unfortunately sometimes biology plays a role.

In some cases, underlying biological factors may affect the duration of your sexual experiences.

how long should sex last
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You might observe that as you get older:

– it is more difficult to develop and/or sustain erections – it takes longer to become aroused

– Hormonal changes that may impair sexual activity could result from a lower libido and/or dry vagina.


Your genital structure or shape might also be important. In a 2003 study, scientists found that the ridge around the head of their penis, in particular, may have evolved to be more competitive.

Any sperm already present in the vagina can be removed by the ridge. Thrusting that is deeper and more forceful results in more semen displacement. In doing so, the spouse who is ejaculating increases their likelihood of getting pregnant by clearing space for their own sperm.

This may help to explain why some users find it challenging to continue thrusting after ejaculation in the context of competitive development. Continued thrusting may result in the displacement of your own sperm, decreasing your ability to become pregnant.

Sexual Dysfunction

In some cases, sexual dysfunction can impact how long you last. Specifically: 

Erectile dysfunction (ED): ED happens when a man has trouble getting or keeping an erection, which can affect how long sex lasts.

Performance anxiety: This is when negative feelings about your sexuality cause you to worry that you won’t satisfy your sexual partner. It can lead to ED or PE, or avoidance of sex altogether.

Premature ejaculation, or ejaculation that occurs before either partner desires affects between 30% to 40% of men at some point in their lives. Premature ejaculation is the most common type of sexual dysfunction in men. Premature ejaculation affects about one in every five men aged between 18 and 59.

Delayed ejaculation is the need for an extended period of sexual stimulation to reach climax. 

Tips for shorter sex

If sex is going on longer than you’d want, tell your partner. When something about your sex life is less than ideal, talking it out is always a smart place to start. I am aware that it is simpler to speak than to do.

By articulating your desires to your spouse, you can both better grasp what it takes to orgasm each other. Ask your lover what you really want. You can apply what you’ve learned to hasten your progress toward the goal.

Tell (or demonstrate to them) your triggers. You can either inform your partner how to excite you in a way that you particularly enjoy, or you can touch yourself in ways that help you climax. Here, sex toys can serve as a useful visual help.

Try your favourite position for an orgasmic moment. Exists a particular sexual position or method that tends to get you there? In the event that the experience lasts longer than you’d want, trying it can be a good method to end things to everyone’s satisfaction.

Embrace yourself – Masturbation

If you’re pressed for time, masturbation is a good technique to guarantee that you obtain the Big O. You are the expert on your own body, after all! Involving your lover in mutual masturbation is another option. This enables a climax for you both while maintaining intimacy.

How to prolong sex

If they are done on purpose, quickies can be fun. If you’re ejaculating too soon to satisfy yourself or your partner, there are several methods you can attempt to stay in longer.

The squeezing approach

Start having sex and keep going until you are almost ready to ejaculate. Once that is done, ask your partner to squeeze the tip of your penis, where the head (glans) meets the shaft. Maintain the squeeze for a few seconds. Ejaculatory urges will diminish. This can be repeated numerous times in a single session.

The stop-start method

Also known as “edging,” the stop-start method is something you can practice with a partner or as you masturbate. When you’re masturbating and feel like you’re about to come, pause until the urge to ejaculate passes. Then resume stimulating yourself. Over time, you’ll learn to recognize when you’re approaching “the point of no return” and be able to extend intercourse.

Kegels and pelvic floor exercises

Kegels, or pelvic floor exercises, aid in building the pelvic floor muscles that regulate ejaculation. Stop urinating in the middle of the action to locate your pelvic floor muscles. Kegel exercises involve contracting the pelvic floor muscles for three seconds, holding the contraction for three seconds, and then relaxing for three seconds.

Numbing condoms or creams

Some types of condoms contain a bit of numbing medication, such as lidocaine or benzocaine, on the inside. This can reduce sensation, which might make you last longer. Anesthetic creams are sold that have the same effect.

If despite all your efforts you’re still not getting their in time, talk to your doctor, or a sex therapist about your concerns.

How can hypnotherapy help ? 

The subconscious mind is the super-powerful part of the brain that looks after  our automatic processes – breathing, maintaining bodily processes, walking.For couples who are worried about sexual issues, hypnosis can make the process automatic, by using conscious exercises and subconscious techniques via hypnosis, this powerful part of the brain can be brought onside.


How long sex can last depends on many factors, including personal expectations and consenting wants. Consult a sex therapist, or sexual freedom practioner if you’re very concerned about how long you’ll be able to engage in sexual activity. They can listen to you talk about how you’re feeling, respond to your inquiries, and assess any areas of your sex activity that may benefit from hypnotherapy.

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