erectile dysfunction help Wakefield

5 ways to respond to a partner’s erectile dysfunction

Lets talk about about awkward sex.  What do you do when awkward sex happens. In particular, today I want to talk about one main subject. Which is How should you respond when your partner loses their erection? 

If you’re feeling frustrated because your partner is struggling with erectile dysfunction, you’re not alone. Millions of men go through this problem every year, so you’re not alone in this. If you’re seeking new ways to respond to a partner’s erectile dysfunction, I have 5 ways that might help.

Erectile dysfunction or ED can happen in two ways:  It can be difficult to get hard or it  can be difficult to stay hard once erection occurs. I talk about why this happens in my previous article here.  Please believe me when I say that it is incredibly common: estimates suggest that at least 50% of men will experience sexual dysfunction at some point in their lives. But as stressful and upsetting this can be for the person having erectile dysfunction, it can be just as confusing and stressful for you, their partner.

So today I would like us to use our imagination and understand the point of view of the partner. We will talk about what’s actually happening, and how to respond in a compassionate way. I will also share how to respond in a way that keeps sexy time alive. So here are 5 things to bear in mind.

erectile dysfunction help Wakefield
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

1. You’re not the reason.

Our culture puts a big emphasis on physical looks. So it’s not surprising that when your partner has erection difficulties, you assume that it is because they aren’t attracted to you.. But that’s not the reason: the causes of ED are mainly physiological, and if, for example, the muscles in the pelvic floor aren’t strong enough to keep blood flow in,  it’s not because you’re not good looking enough.  Muscles don’t respond to how attractive you are  or how good you are in bed, so if you’re beating yourself up thinking you’re the cause, believe me: you’re not the reason.

2. There might be a psychological reason.

 Erectile problems can happen when a person is nervous or stressed. This puts body fight or flight response, and this directs blood flow away from the penis. This creates panic in the mind such as I’m so happy were having sex, I’m nervous I hope it all goes ok. If these thoughts are running through your partner’s head, it causes panic and anxiety. You can read my thoughts on this here

3. Being turned on and genital response are not the same thing.

Scientific sex research , shows us that, becoming aroused and getting hard or wet don’t always happen together. You might be really turned on, without your genitals responding the way you might expect. On the other hand you could suddenly become hard or wet, without being sexually aroused at all. (for example while riding in a car). You can read more on the research here. In her book, Come As You Are, she explains that there is a 50% overlap in how erect a man’s penis is and how turned on he is (Suschinsky, Lalumiere & Chivers). What this tells us is that our genitals are often reacting entirely to what is sexually relevant; not what we actually want and value. The term for this is arousal non-concordance.  Arousal is as much related to sexual context than it is to what you desire.

4. Change your definition of sex. 

Penetration is just one part of sex. So if your partner loses their erection during sex, trying turning the situation around and other sexual activities instead. This way instead of you both worrying that something is wrong, or it creating an awkward situation, you can support each other. A good way to support someone is to tell them that it’s ok and what has happened in common and that you know it’s not a reflection on your attractiveness. So suggest other sexual activities, there’s a lot more to sex than just penetration. It can be whatever you and your partner want it to be. So get your imagination flowing. 

Additionally, the break creates a distraction and lessens the pressure. When your partner’s mind is less anxious and occupied with other sensations, the erection may come back anyway.

5. Talk about it

Sometimes,  we assume that having a long lasting erection is due to being super masculine and penetration is the ultimate form of masculinity. . But those are just assumptions, mainly down to cultural expectations. So try having a conversation with your partner where you talk about sex and what it does for you. Is it about closeness? Pleasure? Intimacy or fun ?While these conversations can be awkward , the more we talk about it the easier it becomes.  

I hope you have enjoyed our blog on how to respond to a partner’s erectile dysfunction. It is important to understand the nature of your partner’s condition and it is equally important to understand your partner’s feelings and emotions. Remember, as in any relationship, communication is key. If you feel overwhelmed at the thought of talking to your partner about erectile dysfunction, remember that it is best to do it sooner than later. 

Sometimes certain situations can be a trigger for ED and these should be discussed. There are many treatment options for erectile dysfunction, including hypnotherapy. Get in touch for a free consultation,  if you want to have a chat about the best possible way to treat the problem. If you are suffering from ED and need help, please contact me at I am always happy to help.

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