Do you have intrusive thoughts during sex? You’re really not alone if you’ve ever been in bed with a lover only to have your mind fill with bizarre, obscene, or repulsive ideas. This is not unusual, yet it may be incredibly upsetting, distracting, and libido-deadening.
If this seems familiar to you, intrusive thoughts might be present. Intrusive thoughts are those that pop into your head without your permission and cause you to feel anxious, upset, or interfere with your daily activities.
Our thoughts can wander when we’re getting personal with someone. For some people, it can be challenging to remain present and focused. At this point, intrusive ideas may start to surface. Why? We all experience some level of anxiety during sex, and for anxious people, this is compounded by something like one million.
The lacklustre sex education we received and the shame-filled messages about sex that are spread across society are to blame for this. This can then lead to an increase in anxiety, which triggers a variety of unfavourable thoughts.
Understanding the Causes of Our Intrusive Thoughts
Anxiety is the root of all negative thoughts. Even though it may be horrible and frustrating, it is common. Our thoughts and minds are extremely active and strong. They have a lot of creative overthinking capacity.
The mind turns inward when faced with fear. In essence, intrusive thoughts take control of the mind and lead to only “worst case scenario” results. It’s challenging to escape once you’re inside in your spiral of anxious thoughts and intrusive thoughts during sex.
Because they actually interfere with your life and wellbeing, intrusive thoughts during sex are distinct from generalised bad thoughts. They sneak up on you, engulf you, and are challenging to fend against.
In response to these harmful mental patterns, the body must react. It is unaware that these are merely thoughts. As a result, it reacts as if they were real-world threats. When you sense a threat, your heart beats more quickly, you start to perspire, and panic sets in.
How the Process of Sexual Arousal Relates to Intrusive Thoughts
Our body and thoughts are intertwined. Together, our thinking processes and physiological reactions respond to various signals coming from the brain.
The nerve system is one of the major contributors to sexual responsiveness. To reach the full extent of our erotic potential, we must be in a state of “rest and digest.” Because of this, experts, including myself, frequently claim that stress is the greatest hindrance to libido.
Fear and anxiety have a damaging effect on the nervous system, causing it to enter “fight or flight” mode instead of this restful state. Since our bodies have blocked off all the necessary factors for arousal, it is practically impossible for us to become aroused when we are in that mode. The brain signals to the body, “It is not sex time!” when we are scared. We are in jeopardy! The process of sexual arousal is then stopped by the body. You can read more about anxious throughts here
Why on earth does this occur? Actually, it actually makes a lot of sense in terms of evolution. Our bodies’ response to danger is the “fight or flight” response. To survive in the days of hunting and gathering, we required a finely honed response. The human race would undoubtedly go extinct if we were to consider having sexual relations or reproducing in an extremely dangerous situation.
How to Control Intrusive Thoughts for More Enjoyable Sexual Experiences
Don’t get too worked up if this seems insurmountably difficult. Let’s now talk about how to quiet these bothersome thoughts so that our nervous systems can relax.
Listed below is information on the connection: The primary factor in controlling intrusive thoughts is the nervous system’s capacity to regulate. To learn how to control these physiological reactions to your psychological events, practise and mindfulness are necessary. This way you can control intrusive thoughts during sex.
I frequently recommend the 4, 8, 7 Breathing Method to clients. Soothing the mind can be highly beneficial for calming the body.
How to execute: Take a deep breath in and hold it for four counts. Breath out for seven counts of exhaling. Inhale for eight counts, then exhale for four. Three times, please. Focus on being aware of your breathing. Feel the expansion and contraction of your lungs. Making a fist when inhaling and letting it go when exhaling can be beneficial.
You must constantly remind yourself that the thoughts you are having are not real. It is only a lie you have made up, such as “My partner doesn’t like my body,” “I’m not good at sex,” “I need to fake an orgasm to please my spouse,” or really anything along those lines. Its only actual purpose is to undermine you.
And if it’s just a tale, perhaps we might tell ourselves something else instead, like, “It’s OK if I don’t have an erection because we have a deep connection and we can have an amazing time together anyhow,” or “If my partner didn’t appreciate my body, they wouldn’t be here.”
Finally, therapy and hypnotherapy is always the best course of action you have intrusive thoughts during sex and they are seriously interfering with your life. A therapist is trained to find strategies to soothe your body and mind by interacting with your nervous system. You don’t have to complete this task by yourself. Trying to escape on your own when you’re in a really distressing mental muddle can be difficult and even counterproductive.
You shouldn’t feel humiliated because you are not alone. There is always help available for intrusive thoughts during sex. Visit my website for more information.