Your sex life is important. When it’s good it can positively impact other areas of your life. Your self-confidence increases, and your happiness improves. Your great sexual wellbeing will also benefit your partner of future partners, as you can give more emotional intimacy and greater pleasure. Greater enjoyment of sex also provides you will a wide range of physical and emotional benefits. But the fear of failure can be stopping you.
Sex is supposed to make you happy.
A heathy sex life contributes to happiness. It can boost your immune system, relieve stress and create deep bonds with another person. Sex bonds people, no matter the type of relationship, because it releases the love chemical oxytocin. Here is a study about the reason people have sex.
Benefits of good sex
Having a satisfying sex life helps you and your partner connect, fall in love and stay in love. If you have sex for less romantic reasons then sex helps your cardiovascular health, aids restful sleep and helps ease pain. Good healthy sex, can also boost your self-esteem, which can help in other areas of your life.
But what happens when sex isn’t great, doesn’t work or it all goes wrong?
Sex can make you unhappy
You have just learnt some of the benefits of good sex, so when sex isn’t good it can be troubling. It is no surprise that the fear of sexual failure is so a pressing concern for many men. Feeling like a failure in the bedroom, can feel like you’re a failure as a person. Issues such as impotence, premature ejaculation, inexperience, shame and guilt from to past can all prevent sexual wellness.
It can deeply affect a man’s view of themselves, especially due to cultural expectations and stereotypes.
Myths and Misconceptions about men
It is impossible to detach our sexual wellbeing from the wider context of our lives. A major misconception is that men should want to have sex all the time. This myth dispreads what else maybe happening in their lives, their health and relationship issues.
Other common myths and misconceptions include:
· Sleep with lots of women makes you a proper man
· You need a certain sized penis to be good in bed
· Men should be control of the sex
· You should be able to maintain an erection for hours at a time
· The older you get the less sex drive you will have
Many of these misconceptions are based down through culture and environment. They are shared between older men, friends, school, movies, and porn. To overcome these myths men need to get to know women’s sexuality better.
Facts about male sex drive
A man’s sex drive is affected by:
· Physical health
· The state of a relationship
· Attitudes around sex
· Feelings about a partner
· Stress levels
· Past sexual experiences
Sex is very complicated and way more complex than just being turned on. Men are not constantly turned on sex machines, pre occupied with sex. They are not meant to be. But they can improve their sexual confidence, skill, energy and stamina.
So how can sexual success be improved and where do you begin?
Overcoming issues
In order to have better sex life, you need to understand what has being going wrong up to now and identify areas for improvement.
· What attitude you been holding onto?
· Do you have any unhelpful emotional reposes around sex?
· Is a certain behaviours causing issues?
You need to let go and get rid of any helpful behaviours around sex before you can start to learn new ones.
Men worry that sex won’t work because there is something wrong with themselves. This worry starts to create an overwhelming fear of failure. The fear of failure needs to be overcome first regardless of any other sexual problems you may have.
Why is fear of failure a problem?
Most men see sex as a performance or test, something that they have to do well at. They constantly monitoring how well they are doing, if it’s any good. This monitoring takes your mind away from the present. It distract focus and creates a fear of doing it wrong or things going bad.
When fear is felt, it creates stress and stress negatively affects sexual performance.
Big blocks to good sex are the fear of failure and being self-conscious.
To stop this fear of failure, men need to reframe their view of sex as a performance or test. Not test means no failure. Sex like most things in life is not as simple as success or failure. You need to take the pressure off and gain some perspective.
So what can hypnosis do to help? Well quite a lot really.
Sex and Hypnosis
A simple definition of hypnosis is a natural focus of the mind and attention. When in a trance your perception of time changes and the distractions from the outside world disappears. The experience is likened to being in the zone, athletes get in the zone, but we also get in the zone during sexual encounters. So hypnotherapy can be used to further develop this in the zone state of mind. To overcome fear of failure and anxiety you need to care less about the outcome and focus more on what is actually happening in the moment (the process). Worrying too much about the outcome and the end result, takes us away from the present. The brain is the largest sex organ, so it need to be primed for good sex. But to be in optimal mind and body for sexual wellness, the fear of failure needs to disappear first.
Prevent Fear of Failure
If you’re struggling with a fear of failure and want to achieve greater sexual wellness, then I can help. Together, we can look at your sexual dysfunction causes and symptoms and use a bespoke therapy blend that is right for you. To find out more about how I can help you tap into your true sexual wellness, click here to book your free consultation.