In today’s blog, were going to learn more about a condition more common than most believe. One that has a huge impact on our enjoyment of sex.
I’m talking about premature ejaculation – orgasming too quickly.
So 1 in 3 men suffers from premature ejaculation, though most never talk about it and just settle for quick, often awkward sex.
PE can affect a man’s confidence and result in him avoiding sex or making excuses for the length of time it took. It leads most men to feel awkward and uncomfortable or pretend that there is not an issue.
People who experience premature ejaculation have lots of excuses and reason as to why they came quickly. The two most common ones are: ‘you really turn me on ‘or ‘I prefer it hard and fast’. But these is not the real reason as premature ejaculation is due to a lack of bodily control and not sexual preferences and arousal.
Many factors determine how quick you are.
These include:
- how often you masturbate
- if your partner is new partner
- your mood and mental well being
- how much porn you watch
- how frequently you have sex
To truly enjoy sex, the worry about orgasming too soon needs to go.
What is premature ejaculation?
The NHS defines Premature ejaculation are when a man ejaculates (comes) too quickly during sexual activity.
There are 2 types of premature ejaculation:
Primary premature ejaculation – where you have always had the problem
Secondary premature ejaculation– where you recently developed the problem
The causes of primary premature ejaculation are often psychological, such as having a traumatic sexual experience at an early age. Secondary premature ejaculation can be caused by both psychological and physical factors. Physical causes can include drinking too much alcohol and inflammation of the prostate gland.
What Counts as Premature Ejaculation?
Spoiler, it’s nowhere near as long as you think.
According to a 2008 survey of sex therapists, sex is “too short” when it lasts one to two minutes. “Adequate” is three to seven minutes, and “desirable” is seven to 13.
Over 20 minutes is extremely rare and an exception rather than the rule. The reason we believe it should go on for ages is due to movies and porn. Sex doesn’t have to go on for ages to be good sex.
What causes it?
Physical, chemical and emotional/psychological factors cause premature ejaculation.
Physical and chemical problems include:
- An underlying erectile dysfunction diagnosis.
- A hormonal problem with oxytocin levels, which has a role in sexual function in men.
- Low serotonin or dopamine levels, chemicals in the brain that are involved in sexual desire and excitement.
- A penis that is extra sensitive to stimulation.
Emotional or psychological causes include:
- Performance anxiety. Could be due to the nervousness of being with a new partner, anxiousness of having sex again after a long period of abstinence, lack of confidence, guilt, being overly excited or stimulated or other reasons.
- Stress.
- Relationship problems.
- Depression.
Premature Ejaculation might all be about survival
During evolution, it has been an advantage for a male to orgasm quickly. It’s the male default state. You had a greater chance of survival from predators, if a couple had sex quickly. There’s less chance of being eaten. It made survival sense to orgasm quickly and move on. So it’s not your fault and trying to hold on for hours and hours is going against your primal instinct.
But that being said, you can train your body to develop control. You want to get to a place where you have enough control to enjoy sex and without worry and also leave your partner equally satisfied.
What can be done to help with premature ejaculation?
- Kegel exercises
- Delay spray
- Getting the subconscious part of the brain onside through hypnotherapy
- masturbating 1 to 2 hours before having sex
- using a thick condom to help decrease sensation
- taking a deep breath to briefly shut down the ejaculatory reflex (an automatic reflex of the body, during which you ejaculate)
- having sex with your partner on top (to allow them to pull away when you’re close to ejaculating)
- taking breaks during sex and distracting yourself by thinking about something completely different
- Sex Therapy if the cause of your premature ejaculation is psychological, emotional, or due to relationship issues – due to performance anxiety, depression, stress, guilt, or a troubled relationship
What is the subconscious and how can it help with premature ejaculation?
The subconscious mind is the super-powerful part of the brain that looks after our automatic processes – breathing, maintaining bodily processes, walking (we don’t have to think about breathing we just do it automatically). You can find out more about what hypnotherapy is here
Naturally, our subconscious encourages men to orgasm very quickly, however, hypnosis your subconscious minds can be taught that you’d rather have more control over your orgasms.
Finding Triggers for PE
Through hypnosis we can also identify triggers. Triggers are really only habits, repeated actions that we’ve programmed into ourselves over time.
Many people have unknowingly themselves to orgasm quickly. But if you are triggered by something and your response to that trigger is a negative one, then you can programme your brain to not be triggered anymore.
There are several things you can do to help with premature ejaculation and these include: breathing techniques, delay sprays or condoms and Kegel exercises. But all these requires time and practice and there may still be so mental blocks causing your issues. To overcome these mental blocks such as performance anxiety and low self-confidence additionally therapy may be needed.
Helen Birch uses hypnotherapy alongside brain training and education to provide a multi-step approach to overcoming premature ejaculation. Through hypnosis we can get to the subconscious so you have control over your orgasms and we can also teach the subconscious to learn the new techniques quicker and faster. Together this will give you more control over your orgasms. To book a free consultation with Helen Birch please click here.