According to the Kinsey Institute, only 25% of women consistently experience orgasm during sexual intercourse. That’s unfortunate, considering that the majority of women desire to orgasm during sex. So, why is it that so many women can’t seem to climax, or have a difficult time orgasming? The answer is situational anorgasmia, which is characterized by difficulty reaching orgasm in certain situations, such as during sexual intercourse.
Sexual pleasure and orgasms involves psychological and emotional feelings. For most people it is the psychological blocks which affect our desire, arousal and orgasms, along with feelings of shame, guilt and poor body images. Anorgasmia occurs more frequently in women than men. Of course, physiological reasons can be the cause but in most cases, it is the state of her mind when having sex that is at the root of the situation.
If a woman tends to become anxious due to a lack of self-worth, performance anxiety, feelings of guilt, fear of expression, poor body image even cultural expectations, then this can conflict with the psychological and physiological process that is essential to reach orgasm.
Why do so many women have a difficult time orgasming?
Many people are able to orgasm through masturbation, in comparison to orgasming with a partner. They are essentially two very different experiences. Being able to orgasm on your own, not necessary mean a person can orgasm with a partner. It requires us to be comfortable with ourselves, sexuality and body image. It also requires a person to be comfortable in the right situation with a partner where you feel unpressured and comfortable.
The problem may not be your inability to orgasm. Instead the problem may be the situation you are in and how you feel in different situations. This is called situational anorgasmia. Situational anorgasmia is experiencing difficulties with orgasm only with certain types of stimulation, situations, or partners.
For most women, difficulty orgasm through penetration causes anxiety and sexual dysfunction. But I believe that more frequent orgasms require mental and relationship issues to be addressed. If a women is constantly worried about their sexual performance, judging their body, anxious about making their partner happy and feeling the pressure to climax, it makes it less likely that they will orgasm with a partner.
However, when masturbating alone, all the issues listed above go away. Masturbation allows for an inward focus, without feelings instead just sensations and fantasies. They do not worry about them noises they make, it they look fat or if they are good compared the other partners. It becomes about themselves and their own pleasure. We feel safe and relaxed, without any pressure.
Stop trying so hard
It sounds counterproductive but they key to achieving climax is to stop trying. This is based on the psychological principle the law of reversed effort. The more you try to do something the harder is it to achieve.
Law of reversed effort is a psychological concept that is helpful in understanding anorgasmia. The law of reversed effort is a psychological concept that is helpful in understanding anorgasmia. Let’s look at the situation where a woman is unable to cum with a partner. She may have been able to orgasm in the past. She may be able to orgasm by masturbation. When she is with a partner, she is unable to achieve climax. The effort that she is putting into her sexual encounter with her partner is not resulting in orgasm.
A great example of this is the insomniac. Sleep is an entirely subconscious process, and ‘willing’ yourself to or ‘trying’ to sleep has exactly the opposite effect. The more you think about sleeping and tell yourself to ‘get’ to sleep, the more awake you become.
This law exists because our conscious mind and our unconscious mind are often in conflict, and the unconscious mind wins. Why? Because it is our protector and it is rarely rational.
The French psychologist, Émile Coué, defined the law of reversed effort and said: “When the imagination and will power are in conflict, are antagonistic, it is always the imagination which wins, without any exception”.
The law of reversed effort has a significant impact on anorgasmia, especially with partnered sex. Women try so hard to achieve an orgasm that they become worrying, monitoring their bodies waiting for the orgasmic feelings to begin while worrying if they cum. This creates anxiety, doubts, disappointment and frustration.
Émile Coué says:
“The solution for this fear, is to relax, to let go and to think about relaxing things that can provide us with the confident feeling. From this confident feeling, when we feel fresh and secure, we can, easily deal with anything that will appear less threatening.”
Relax and let go. Stop fighting yourself. Smile…
The negative thoughts are apt to be more effective than the positive because the negative usually has more feeling with it.
Take your goal into contemplation and focus on relaxing, letting go of the negative feelings associated with not achieving an orgasm. Set up a positive image about the goal, then put feeling with it. Nothing is simple, but everything is worth trying.
How to reach orgasms with Hypnotherapy
You can overcome the barriers with hypnosis and learn how to orgasm. But it is not a magic wand. The ability to orgasm isn’t only about your physical ability. There are many factors and conditions which need to come together. Hypnosis and coaching help create these new conditions so you can build a new sexual foundation of pleasure. During the orgasm hypnosis programme, I show you the specific steps you need to take so you can orgasm.
You will learn how to create changes in your unconscious mind, body, and genital areas. We will also heal the emotions blocks. This is different from traditional and suggestion hypnosis sessions. It is a powerful orgasm hypnotherapy programme that heals, transforms, and awakens your innate sexual ability.
This programme enables you to orgasm with ease. You can read my blog post about why women find it so hard to orgasm here.
How a Sex Therapist Can Help
If a woman suffers from situational anorgasmia—when she can’t achieve orgasm despite having the desire to do so—getting professional help through a sex therapist may be the best option. Unlike general practitioners, sex therapists have specialized education and training that make them experts in the treatment of sexual issues, including situational anorgasmia. A sex therapist will likely take a holistic approach to treatment, examining any possible contributing factors to the situation, such as physical or mental illnesses, stress, relationship conflicts, and more.
Once any potential physical causes for anorgasmia have been addressed, a sex hypnotherapist can help you deal with anorgasmia through:
- Education around sexual techniques and types of stimulation.
- Helping you explore relational issues
- Fostering improved communication skills around sex.
- Techniques for reducing stress that may be impeding your enjoyment of sex.
- Helping you to explore and diffuse trauma history, sexual shame, or negative self-talk.
- Addressing any underlying psychological factors contributing to anorgasmia, such as depression or anxiety.
Situational anorgasmia is a sexual dysfunction that can prevent women from reaching orgasm during certain sexual situations. We know that the term “situation” can be confusing, so we used this blog post to explain it in more detail. If you’ve been experiencing situational anorgasmia, we hope this article has helped clear up any confusion about what it is and how to handle it. If you’d like to learn more about your other sexual wellness options, please feel free to contact us at www.hypnosisinyorkshire.com We’re always happy to help!