Your relationship has ended. What now?
No matter what type of relationship you were in, you will feel grief for the end o and no matter how it ended- dumped, divorced, unrequited love or ghosted the end of that relationship is painful, distressing and hurtful. In order to move forward, you have to begin to let go, regain your confidence and get to know yourself again.
Grief is very personal. It’s not a one size fits all process and it doesn’t follow a straight path. Everyone grieves the end of a relationship differently, but there are some common stages of feelings experienced during the end of a relationship. You may experience some or all of the stages listed below in order and for any length of time.
What are the five stages of grief ?
The five stages of grief are:
Grief is different for every person, you may remain for months in one of the five stages but skip others entirely.
In simple terms, this is when your head and your heart are torn in two. On one hand you know it is over, but on the other hand you can’t help that feeling that you will get back together soon. You find yourself imagining the day you are reunited. You may find it hard to believe that it’s over and feel shocked and think ‘they’re just upset, this will be all forgotten about tomorrow’. One thing you might find yourself doing is late night messaging.
Feelings of anger begin to emerge and are directed towards the person, the situation, another individual or an object. Anger is a masking effect hiding the true emotions you are feeling. You may even feel anger towards those people who don’t agree with how you feel. You find yourself saying things such as ‘I hate them. They will regret leaving me’. One sign of this stage is wanting people to agree with your version of events or sending nasty messages.
In this stage, you will feel helpless and vulnerable. You start to look for ways to bring back control or influence the outcome of the event. Most people will ask for this person to be brought back into their lives. A negotiating voice will pop up in your head for instance ‘If only I’d have done this, then they wouldn’t have left me’. A sign of this is trying to convince them to stay. You might find yourself saying things such as I can change, tell me what I need to do.
This stage can feel like an inevitability when a relationship ends. Throughout this stage, you may feel like doing nothing and isolating yourself , preferring to spend time alone. This is also the point when you may feel numb and empty inside. One sign of this stage is feeling like there is no hope for the future.
Acceptance is not necessarily a happy or uplifting stage of getting over a break up. It doesn’t mean you’ve moved on. It does, however, mean that you’ve accepted it and have come to understand what it means in your life now. This stage occurs over time whilst moving in and out of the other stages. Know that there will be good days and bad days. One sign of this stage is knowing you can and will move on and start to accept that a relationship isn’t right for you.
Do you need more support with relationship grief ?
Helen Birch is a sex and relationship hypnotist in Wakefield and Yorkshire. She helps people through difficult and confusing times with hypnotherapy and mind reprogramming techniques. Helen Birch also offers face to face therapy sessions at the RCM Wellness Centre, Ossett, Wakefield, find out more here . Within a few sessions, clients are able to free themselves of burdens, let go of unwanted feelings and thoughts and find their inner confidence. To find out more click here