Understanding why women have low libido

Women’s low libido is an issue that affects women of all ages, from young to old. It can cause stress and anxiety, and significantly lower quality of life. While there are a number of factors that can contribute to low libido in women, understanding why it occurs is the first step in finding solutions. Low libido in women can be caused by physical, psychological, and societal factors, with some being more common than others. Examining the underlying causes of low libido in women can provide valuable insights into how to address this issue and help women reclaim their sexual power.

low libido women
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We Need to Stop Normalizing “Bad Sex” For Women

When talking to clients, I always ask how important sex in their relationships and in their lives. Their answers gave me a lot of mixed feelings and it makes me sad that I see more and more women saying that they rate sex as the least important thing in their lives. They have low libido. It had me wondering why do women enjoy sex less than men? 

For most women the importance of sex changes in a relationship. However this decline doesn’t seem to be the same for men. Many women I speak to say they simply have no interest in having sex with anyone. If they had it their way they just wouldn’t have sex at all, and try their best to put it off as much as possible. This feels like normalisation and expectation from society for women that they will lose interest in sex and it’s something that happens to us all.  But a decline in female interest in sex and low libido is not inevitable. It highlights a fundamental lack of education and understanding around how desire, sexuality, and pleasure work inside of relationships. Society normalising that sex will be bad for women is just wrong and is reinforcing to women that they have no control over their own sexual pleasure and that you shouldn’t be enjoying sex.  Watch this video to see why sex is still bad for so many women

Having a healthy sex life is not something to feel shameful about. 

Due to misinformation and a basic misunderstanding of how desire works, a great number of women (and men) are in unpleasant sexual relationships. It leads to hostility, infidelity, and low sexual arousal. Here you can read about Overcoming sexual shame and guilt

While I’m not saying it’s the most significant aspect of relationships, sex IS important. Intimacy is important. Female pleasure is essential. Low libido in women can be changed. Realizing that desire arises from a reward system rather than from a drive is essential. The more GOOD sex you have, the more you want it.

What might that imply? It emphasizes a concentration on the pleasure of women. It entails knowing the clitoris And it entails providing individuals with high-quality, thorough sex education so they don’t become like half the women who contact me: hating their sex life and content to just get by.

Let’s change the way we think about sexuality in partnerships so that we can all have fulfilling, lovely sexual experiences free from the patriarchal nonsense that has been shoved down our throats since birth.

My main advice for regaining your libido is to : Give yourself some slack! Stop being so hard on yourself. 

Get you mind onside

My second piece of advice is to get your brain on board for sex. When you have a low libido you brain isn’t just going to automatically be ready for sex.

The methods in which men and women are aroused are significantly different. While you’re finishing up a text message and attempting to get the laundry along, your spouse might merely see you—his lovely, sexy partner—and suddenly he’s ready to go. Therefore, it will require more effort on your part to stay alert and prepared to connect with him. Don’t worry, though; it’s enjoyable work. Find out more about sex as self care here

Schedule sex

Having scheduled sex is the first thing I would advise doing in this situation. The truth is that scheduling sex is fantastic for couples, especially when coping with different libidos. I used to believe this would be a complete buzzkill. You can agree on a frequency through scheduling that works for both of you.

Explore your fantasies 

This might be as easy as recalling the sex that left you itching to rip your partner’s clothes off from the hottest encounters you’ve had with someone in the past. Your body will follow once your brain accepts it.

Additionally, having sex on a regular basis maintains the desire for sex present in your mind. The more you masturbate, the more you want to have sex, despite the fact that this may seem paradoxical. Similar to working out, your body becomes more and more dependent on endorphins the more often you visit the gym.

Pre-sex rituals are excellent for setting the mood. Before you actually start, concentrate on what motivates you. You might feel particularly seductive after taking a hot bath or while listening to a certain playlist. Make it a regular ritual before you and your lover go to bed by using whatever works for you.


Finally, prioritise foreplay. To make your partner aware of how crucial those 15 to 20 minutes of playtime are to you, have a brief talk with him. He will want to spend a bit more time warming you up if you say something as easy as, “Hey honey, I remember fantasising about that time we made out in the kitchen, and it really helps me get in the mood!”

You’ll definitely notice a significant improvement in your sex life if you concentrate on getting your brain on board and tell him what makes you feel wonderful. Just keep in mind that having fun is something we could all use more of. But these tips into action and get rid of your low libido.

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