How can you tell if you’ve had an orgasm? Isn’t it supposed to feel like this huge firework going off inside your body? Instead do you feel a lot of pressure, pleasure, and tension …but never that big screaming release like you see on videos?
The general assumption is that anyone who has experienced orgasms is likely to understand how they feel. To be honest though, not everyone experiences it. There are lots of articles out there that say you should always be able to tell if you’ve had an orgasm.
But that is not necessarily true. That is because every person’s experience of an orgasm is different and is even felt different from situation to situation for example from solo sex to partnered sex.
It’s hard to describe exactly what an orgasm feels like. It’s not something that is easily defined, and no two are alike. That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but the point is that orgasms are as varied as people are. And this can be as fascinating and perplexing.
Everything starts with the biology of how our bodies react to sexual stimuli. Thanks to sex experts Masters and Johnson, the sexual-response model was formerly believed to occur in four stages: excitement, plateau, climax, and resolution. Thankfully we now know this is not how the body responds, but this is still the general experience portrayed in porn.
Orgasms are still, the release of sexual tension that occurs at the height of sexual arousal, has largely stayed constant despite this model’s updating to become more non-linear and to include desire as a stage of sexual response.
Orgasms, which frequently accompany sexual response, are a part of a complicated system. The sexual preferences of different people vary greatly.
Look no further if you’re curious about what precisely occurs when we have an orgasm. We’d all benefit from learning more about the science of orgasm.
What Takes Place During an Orgasm
We need to comprehend the basis of orgasms, which is arousal. Erectile tissue can be found in both penises and vaginas. The female clitoris also contains the unique capillaries which can be located in erectile tissue. Blood flows freely in and out when you’re not aroused, but it only flows in when you’re aroused. Male and female erections are the result of erectile tissue becoming “engorged,” which happens when erectile tissue fills with blood. This creates a hard on for both the male penis and the internal part of the female clitoris.
The tension brought on by all this blood is previously highlighted. An orgasm occurs when the tension is released.Orgasm is frequently accompanied by repetitive pelvic floor and vaginal contractions in those with vaginas, as well as a sensitive clitoris, although this intriguing feature is not universal. We need to stop seeing orgasms as the same biological and sexual function and letting people experience what they experience without trying to confine them to a one size fits all view is crucial for our society’s overall sexual health.
Orgasm for penis-havers also adheres to these guidelines: A sensitive penis and rhythmic pelvic floor contractions make up an orgasm. But for those with penises, ejaculation and orgasm are considerably more likely to happen simultaneously. But not always, You can orgasm without ejaculation.
Along with a surge of feel-good reward hormones from the brain, orgasms also cause an increase in breathing and heart rate.
Orgasms vary in intensity and feeling
The notion that orgasms are explosions is the result of poor sex education and porn sex imagery. Yes, there are some orgasms that are truly mind-blowing, but they span a wide spectrum.
When it comes to orgasms, pleasure isn’t always a given. Orgasmic contractions can be large, tiny, medium, prominent, hardly perceptible, more like a sneeze and release, etc. There’s a lot going on here and that’s because every human being is unique.
How we want to feel an orgasm has a lot to do with how intense it is. It greatly depends on the situation, your relationship with your partner and with yourself, your level of relaxation, your sex-related messages, the type of stimulation you are currently receiving, etc. LOTS OF things are happening.
You are entirely normal whether you experience tiny orgasms or orgasms that might melt your face off.
Orgasms can be a lot of fun, but ultimately:
They are an outward sign of sexual stimulation on a psychological and physiological level. Orgasms are always completely natural, healthy, and good. There is no such thing as a “better” orgasm. Actually, it’s absolutely subjective.
Not thinking about them is the route to more orgasms.
People can start to rethink their relationship to and understanding of pleasure by removing the focus of penetration and putting more of an emphasis on feeling and touch. It enables people to break out from social expectations and begin, creating their own ideas for desire to emerge with attentive action and a willingness to be adaptable. Orgasms can occur in situations where they are not the main focus. Anxiety and a laser-like focus to climax actually prevent orgasms.
Orgasms are not given to you. Each person is in charge of their own orgasm and pleasure. This means that it is really your responsibility to enjoy yourself, speak up for your needs and wants, and understand how your body functions. Expecting your partner to read your mind will result in far fewer orgasms and much higher levels of dissatisfaction.
Last but not least, sexual desire and anticipation must be built up, and time taken to warm the body and mind up if you really want to boost your chances of experiencing orgasm and pleasure.
You can still have great sex without orgasms.
There could be issues with orgasming. Pre-orgasmia is the term for this (also known as anorgasmia). Even when a person is fully sexually aroused and enjoying adequate and appropriate sexual stimulation, these orgasming problems frequently arise.
Anorgasmia is particularly common in women who frequently express a need for more stimulation or arousal, and this is all undoubtedly connected. You can read more about anorgasmia here.
Although the strength of orgasms might vary, it is thought to be a “problem” when they completely disappear because it can be extremely upsetting. Orgasmic dysfunction may affect 11% to 41% of women, according to studies.
Pre-orgasmia is something I encounter frequently in my sex therapy practice. I’ve discovered that removing the focus on orgasm as the only measure of good sex can be really beneficial. Many people are unable to orgasm due to behaviours that can stem from emotions of guilt or an inability to let go (the fear of a loss of control).
Orgasms alone, however, do not constitute everything. Without orgasms, it is totally possible to have amazing sex. Instead of stressing over being perfect sexual beings, let’s just enjoy the amazing and fulfilling experience that sex can be.
It’s not about getting there; it’s about the journey.
If you would like to chat about your difficulty achieving orgasms or your intensity of orgasms then please get in touch with Helen Birch here.